By: Sara Lee, LCSWThanksgiving, which is rooted in the tradition of being thankful and grateful, is just around the corner. During this time we often see reminders for all of which we should be thankful, while also getting urges to do and be more in order to show our gratitude. Often with this we push ourselves to our limits and we lose sight of ourselves. And we miss giving gratitude to our bodies and our minds for all that they do for us. This Thanksgiving, I challenge you to write a gratitude letter to yourself and remember all the strengths and skills you have and the ways in which you are always showing up for yourself and others. I wonder what you might learn and how your perspective might shift. Remember: you are capable of and daily do amazing things.
Potential letter prompt: Dear___________ Thank you for being _______________ I appreciate you because __________________________________ I think you are special because _______________________________ You are important to me because _____________________________ When I think about you, I feel ________________________________ Love, ___________________________
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by: Kamryn Malloy, LPC
Holidays.... A day known for spending quality time with family members and sharing traditions, can be a challenging times for those in recovery from substance abuse. Our society has normalized excessive use to "celebrate" these special days. "Blackout Wednesday" is the unofficial name given to the Wednesday before Thanksgiving whereas it has become normalized to binge drink to the point of alcohol poisoning (as per the name). It can be very confusing and challenging for those of us in recovery to witness the people around us celebrate and applaud excessive use. As we step into recovery, during these "holidays", we are reminded of the times where drinking/using was just a normal part of life. It is normal to feel grief and a loss of identity when stepping into recovery as it was such a large part of our life that extended beyond the holidays. Support and connection with others in recovery during this time can be really helpful when navigating triggers and cravings. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this season. Practicing mindfulness and creating a relapse prevention plan can be tools in your toolbox. I'll leave you with these questions to explore what a relapse prevention plan could look like. What are some coping skills I can use when I am triggered/have cravings? Who are support people I can reach out to? What are my values and how do I want to connect with others during this holiday season? Posted by Sara Lee, LCSW Since when did the beginning of November become the end of the year? As we transition from October to November, it feels like Fall just flew by. I’ve noticed that time seems to be going faster and faster. And on top of that, it increasingly feels like October has somehow become the end of the year. It feels that if you have to get anything substantive done, you need to do so by the end of October or early weeks of November.
I don’t know if this is because I’m getting older or because I have young children or because the holidays seem to be encroaching upon one another. Or maybe it is a combination of all three. But somehow it feels I have to complete everything NOW because my time is up. It is like the months of November and December don’t even exist, rather they are just the holiday season. So how do I slow down during this busy period and not feel like I’m racing to an artificial (but very real feeling) deadline before the hecticness of the holidays? I rely on my STOPP skill. First I Stop and then I Take a deep breath. This helps center me while also reducing the racing thoughts and the urgency to do do do. From there I Observe what is happening in my body and try to understand where is my attention? Often my attention is focused on the future and completing tasks and I am nowhere near the present moment. But rather I’m caught up in the what ifs, the stress, the worry. By realizing this, I have more ability to slow down and bring myself back to the moment, which reduces the tension and pressure I’ve placed on myself. Then I try to find some Perspective. What is the bigger picture? Do I actually have a deadline or is this a feeling I have created? How can I make this more manageable? And then from there I Proceed with the new slowness and knowledge I have gained from taking that pause. Stop Take one slow, deep breath Observe. What am I thinking and feeling in my body? Where is my focus of attention? What am I reacting to? Pull Back. Put in some Perspective. See the bigger picture and take the “helicopter” view. Consider another way of looking at this. Is this fact or opinion? What would someone else see and make of it? What advice would I give to someone else? What meaning am I giving this event for me to react in this way? How important is this right now, and will it be important in 6 months? Is my reaction in proportion to the actual event? Practice what works Proceed only when you are sure. Decide on the best thing to do. What will be the consequences of my action or non action? Do what works, what will be the most helpful? Will it be effective and appropriate? Is it in proportion to the event? As we start the approach to the holidays, it will be so important to remember to take those pauses and ground ourselves in the present. Listening to our bodies is just as productive and important as all the other tasks we have. It is a way to give back to ourselves too during this hectic and busy time. If possible, try to use this skill not only reactively in the moment, but also proactively to boost your ability to tackle whatever the day might throw at you. You’ve got this! Posted by Sara Lee, LCSW This concept has shown up in many conversations these past few weeks as summer draws to a close. It can be hard to find the blend between being mindful of the time still present and mourning the transition about to occur. It requires a finessing of skills and the ability to give ourselves grace. But how do we put this into practice?
Mindfulness can be defined as the ability to be present and aware without attachment or judgment. When we are mindful, we are focused one thing at a time in the present moment and we are in better control of our overwhelming emotions. With mindfulness we observe our current sensations, physical surroundings and thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness is not about pushing away thoughts or emotions. It is about being curious about what we are thinking and feeling. This can include experiencing grief and/or sadness at the thought that summer is ending. This can include joy and excitement about the present fun. We allow ourselves to be fully engaged and immersed in the experience, including whatever emotions it might bring. And the best part is that we can hold multiple emotions at once. We can be splashing in the pool feeling the cool water on our body while feeling joy and contentment and a pang of sadness that this will be the last time in the pool. What we want to avoid though is missing the joy and contentment because we are focused on the future sadness. This is where we give ourselves grace. Our mind can wander to the future and we examine it without judgment and then pull ourselves back to the present. That is okay. We just have to make sure we come back. This is how we find our blend. Posted by Nicole Seitzinger, LPC“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.”
John Lubbock Summertime is often associated with a sense of freedom and rejuvenation. It is a wonderful time to reset and slow down our day to day lives. While it is important to have this flexibility, it can also feel overwhelming. Many parents and children struggle with the transition out of school and into summer. Some parents feel the need to schedule every moment of their child’s day, whereas some feel it is a time to allow their children complete freedom. Although summer is a time of being more flexible, it is important to still maintain some structure and routine. Children benefit from structure and routine, and having these in place all summer, can ease the transition back to school in the fall. Things such as consistent bedtimes, meal times, and expectations throughout the day are great examples of easily implemented routines. Some children also benefit from having summer goals or chores they spend a portion of each day/week working towards. Along with the flexibility of summer, we often see more downtime and in turn, more screen time. Although it is an easy habit for both kids and adults to fall into, limiting screen time during the summer is very important. Summer is a great time to build new interests, new hobbies, and spend time outdoors. Children who spend time away from screens and spend more time playing outdoors have shown to have better emotional regulation and higher self esteem. For children who tend to be more anxious, providing them with opportunities to socialize over the summer is also very important. Oftentimes being away from school, allows children to “escape” social interactions that they normally would face each day. By having occasional playdates or being involved in sports/activities, children continue to practice their social skills and build confidence before returning to school in the fall. Whether you are feeling overwhelmed by having your children home all summer, or feel the need to schedule every moment of your child’s time off, the important thing to remember is balance. Yes, children need structure and routine, but summer is also a time for play, exploration, and relaxation. Finding a balance between these, as well as allowing yourself some “adult time” with friends or self care, can lead to a more enjoyable and fulfilling summer for both children and parents. Posted by Sara Lee, LCSWI remember the first time I saw this phrase. I had just relocated halfway across the country and felt so out of my depth. I was in a new time zone, 14 hours away from family and friends, struggling with infertility, trying to find my footing in a new state, new town, new job, new everything. I had ventured out that day willing myself to do something outside and in the community, wishing to stop feeling so anxious and sad. And there was this chalkboard, with a beautifully drawn flower and this saying “Bloom Where You Are Planted.” I snapped a picture because I knew that I would need this reminder many times over in the upcoming days and months.
Through living in 6 states in the past 16 years, COVID, infertility struggles, traumatic pregnancies and births, death of a loved one, being diagnosed with 2 autoimmune diseases, and countless other hardships, this phrase has been a guiding force. A reminder of my resiliency. What is resiliency? Resilience has been defined as “Ability to withstand adversity and bounce back and grow despite life’s downturns” (Dr. Amit Sood, Executive Director of Global Center for Resiliency and Well-Being); and as “The capacity to remain flexible in our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors when faced by life disruption, or extended periods of pressure, so that we emerge from difficulty stronger, wiser, and more able” (Pemberton, 2015; and PositivePsychology); and “Process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility, and adjusting to external and internal demands” (American Psychological Association). The key components of resiliency include: optimism, composure, patience, gratitude, acceptance, kindness, sense of purpose, forgiveness, and connection. So how do we build and strengthen our resilience? Focusing on four core components - connection, wellness, healthy thinking, and meaning - can empower you to withstand adversity, trauma, threats, or significant sources of stress, i.e increase your capacity for resilience. Connection: Resilience isn’t about putting up with something difficult, being stoic or figuring it out on your own. In fact, being able to reach out for support is a key part of being resilient. Therefore you want to create a caring community. Within your caring community, you want to ensure you have different types of support to include, emotional support (help managing emotions), tangible support (help with practical problems), informational support (providing information that helps solve a problem or overcome a challenge), and social support (fulfillment of basic social needs, such as love, belonging, and connectedness). Wellness: Take care of your body through learning about your experience of stress, engaging in physical self-care, and practicing good sleep hygiene. Recognize your physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms of stress so that you can choose then to engage in a behavior geared towards caring for your body. Healthy Thinking: While you can’t always change your situation, you can try to create flexibility in your thinking. You do this through catching unhelpful thoughts, looking for alternative perspectives, and building in positive experiences. Meaning: Self-discovery is possible during adversity. You already bring many strengths to any situation and when faced with difficult situations you can find ways to apply these or discover strengths you didn’t know you possessed. You also can learn about your values and how you want to live by these. You are already a resilient person and have the opportunity to become more resilient. Just remember, like learning any new skill or building muscle, increasing your resilience takes time and intentionality. Embrace your opportunities! Are you a new mom looking for support and to connect with other new moms in the area? Are you exhausted and missing sleep? Are you overwhelmed by the demands of being a new mom? Are you trying to balance it all? I hear you and I've been there! I am a mom of two and owner of Be Present Therapy and Wellness. We are creating a local group to help support you during this awesome and exhausting time! We will explore new mom worries, thoughts and feelings, and create a support system you can use as needed. Babies invited! Our first group starts late summer 2024! Register below for more info! |