Bloom Where You are Planted

Posted by Sara Lee, LCSW

I remember the first time I saw this phrase. I had just relocated halfway across the country and felt so out of my depth. I was in a new time zone, 14 hours away from family and friends, struggling with infertility, trying to find my footing in a new state, new town, new job, new everything. I had ventured out that day willing myself to do something outside and in the community, wishing to stop feeling so anxious and sad. And there was this chalkboard, with a beautifully drawn flower and this saying “Bloom Where You Are Planted.” I snapped a picture because I knew that I would need this reminder many times over in the upcoming days and months. 
Through living in 6 states in the past 16 years, COVID, infertility struggles, traumatic pregnancies and births, death of a loved one, being diagnosed with 2 autoimmune diseases, and countless other hardships, this phrase has been a guiding force. A reminder of my resiliency.

What is resiliency? Resilience has been defined as “Ability to withstand adversity and bounce back and grow despite life’s downturns” (Dr. Amit Sood, Executive Director of Global Center for Resiliency and Well-Being); and as “The capacity to remain flexible in our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors when faced by life disruption, or extended periods of pressure, so that we emerge from difficulty stronger, wiser, and more able” (Pemberton, 2015; and PositivePsychology); and “Process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility, and adjusting to external and internal demands” (American Psychological Association). 
The key components of resiliency include: optimism, composure, patience, gratitude, acceptance, kindness, sense of purpose, forgiveness, and connection. 


So how do we build and strengthen our resilience? Focusing on four core components - connection, wellness, healthy thinking, and meaning - can empower you to withstand adversity, trauma, threats, or significant sources of stress, i.e increase your capacity for resilience. 
Connection: 
Resilience isn’t about putting up with something difficult, being stoic or figuring it out on your own. In fact, being able to reach out for support is a key part of being resilient. Therefore you want to create a caring community. Within your caring community, you want to ensure you have different types of support to include, emotional support (help managing emotions), tangible support (help with practical problems), informational support (providing information that helps solve a problem or overcome a challenge), and social support (fulfillment of basic social needs, such as love, belonging, and connectedness). 
Wellness:
Take care of your body through learning about your experience of stress, engaging in physical self-care, and practicing good sleep hygiene. Recognize your physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms of stress so that you can choose then to engage in a behavior geared towards caring for your body.
Healthy Thinking:
While you can’t always change your situation, you can try to create flexibility in your thinking. You do this through catching unhelpful thoughts, looking for alternative perspectives, and building in positive experiences.
Meaning: 
Self-discovery is possible during adversity. You already bring many strengths to any situation and when faced with difficult situations you can find ways to apply these or discover strengths you didn’t know you possessed. You also can learn about your values and how you want to live by these.

You are already a resilient person and have the opportunity to become more resilient. Just remember, like learning any new skill or building muscle, increasing your resilience takes time and intentionality.  Embrace your opportunities!